Alas, I'll still covet that day... when the anxieties swirling in my head involve the mundane, regular things that the so-called "normal people" sweat out each day. I'm ready to stop living in my cage of food fears and regulations... my heart-stopping panic whenever I see a certain type of car in beige from a certain state... my seeming inability to sleep without being visited by someone from my past, reminding me of all the work that has yet to be done before I can commence the pleasant banalities of normalcy.
I'll admit it, that last sentence was concocted to use the word "banalities" - SAT/GRE vocab moments make my inner geek smile in a big, metallic, chipmunky grin.
The real reason for anxiety today? Naia. My baby goes in for the whole operate-so-you-never-have-babies-or-go-into-heat-and-act-like-a-slut-cat-thing on Thursday. This means I take her to my friend on Wednesday afternoon who will take her to another friend who runs animals down (3 hours) to the shelter that does free spay/neutering. Naia will be fixed first thing Thursday morning (an expression that I hate as there is NOTHING broken with my baby!!!). She'll spend the night doped up on nice, kitty-friendly drugs and then return with the 2nd friend on Friday, who will bring her back to the 1st friend. I won't be able to pick up my child until Saturday evening...
... in the midst of all of this is opening weekend for the Renaissance Faire... with performances on Friday and Saturday before I get my kitty back, as well as opening-first-coming-out show for the East Nashville theater group.
Most people worry about learning lines or forgetting a cue. Or that your wings fall out in the middle of the lanes, or some creepy person decides to take a liking to the moving pine tree (that's me). And don't get me wrong, I'm anxious about those things too... but the huge-oh-my-god-is-that-a-mountain-or-a-billy-goat-on-steroids thing on my chest? Naia. I'm scared to death that something will go wrong, or that they'll find some hidden danger that will take her away from me. The nightmares have already begun... and I wake up in tears. I lost Kaida before she reached Naia's age... and so help me... I cannot handle the THOUGHT of losing another kitten.
So please keep my baby girl in your thoughts and prayers... she has never spent a night away from me and her big sister... at least Raven and I will have each other to cuddle with while she's gone. But she's going to spend FAR too long with strangers in a cage... frightened, not knowing what's going on, then in pain. That cage... the same one that Kaida died in... you might start to understand why I'm so freaked out. If ANYTHING happens to her... well... I can't even finish that sentence. She has to be fine. She just... has to be. She's named for two powerful Goddesses, may they please watch over her this week while she is away from her mother... and may they smile gently on those of us who will be missing her during every living moment.
There are tears in my eyes. I think I am way too attached to my cat-children. Surely this level of love and connection cannot be normal. Or is it??