Monday, April 13, 2009

An Excerpt from Illness

In my recent descent into the disordered mind, I wrote several pieces that I am now submitting to various poetry contests. They are not perky... but they capture the desperation and exasperation of a woman trapped by anorexia and losing her grasp on life itself. I wrote these in January. Several of my friends have commented on my disappearance as I've isolated myself and stopped reaching out. I am in the process of reconnecting to the world - have completed the program at Renfrew and am trying to sew new roots in slightly more solid soil. 

Here's one of my pieces. I'm calling it "Banished" - please let me know your thoughts.

Positive thoughts and optimistic ideals
Lower weights conflict with rational mentality
Evading silent tears, fitful rages and joyous squeals
Attempting to thwart another ana-tragic fatality.
Some days she wonders if her existence even matters
Engrossed completely in this disordered commonality.

Helplessly wandering, a soul in tatters
Eclipsed by overwhelming fear and negativity
Lifelessly moving about according to some temporary plan
Praying for something to break through the automatic reactivity

Maintaining the perfect mask, as completely composed as anyone can
Except that the deadliest piece of all is the implied passivity.

Banished from view, her soul is a 
Refugee inside a hostile world of violence and rage,
Encumbered by the memories of the darkest winter day,
Awakened by force, trapped in this bodily cage
Kiss her while you can, before she fades away.

Friends have come and friends will go, this disease
Runs wild with the slightest opportunity,
Egging her on in her path of destruction, wrought with rules and decrees
Erasing her at last, finally, from the land of the living community.

1 comment:

Layla Eshe said...

hugs girl! You are doing so well, and I am proud of you! You keep on going I know you can do it!