Friday, July 17, 2009

A fantastic invention

I've discovered a pet peeve. Blinkers. Or, more explicitly, the seemingly universal MISUSE of them. And by misuse... I mean NON-use of them.

Seriously people. Is it THAT difficult to extend your left arm out, move the hand away from the wheel, wrap the fingers around that piece of plastic jutting from behind the steering column and push it ever so slightly up or down? Left or Right. Not too many choices. If you can't make up your mind, then GET OFF THE ROAD. It's common courtesy to other drivers to let them know where you are going when you are responsible for a heap of metal whipping down the road at extreme speeds. Not going too fast? You STILL need to use those little blinking lights.

Some tell me they hate the noise. Really? Click click click fucking click! It's not that bad. Turn up the radio. Or... go talk to a therapist. Because that's ridiculous!

Not only does it bother me when people change lanes on the highway without using these little indicator lights... but it also REALLY frustrates me in parking lots. People that don't put on blinkers before turning into a spot. See, blinkers are like the seagulls in Finding Nemo... they declare "Mine! Mine! Mine!" for a potential parking spot. Even more... they alert the people behind them that you are STOPPING, especially when people have a nasty habit of pulling into parking spaces without turning on the brakes. It's awful when you are doing the good-driver thing, leaving enough space between you and the car in front of you, going along at a snail's pace... and BAM! The person veers off into the spot you thought you would occupy without even TELLING you. It's disappointment magnified, just like that!

Then there are the people that OVER use the blinker. You know you've done it once or twice... and you PISS ME OFF. The people who leave the blinker blinking away AFTER switching lanes. The other day... someone had their RIGHT blinker on and kept merging LEFT. Okay... what the hell? Look at your hands. If the index finger and thumb make a "L" - that means Left. If it looks more like a J... that's Right. So sorry that No Child Left Behind failed you out of Kindergarden... but maybe you ought to consider taking the bus. Then... for those that just drive and drive and drive with the blinking lights going... it drives me NUTS! Are you turning? Are you lost? Is it a flasher that says "I'm in trouble" and a burnt out second flash light??

If you listen to the radio that loud you cannot HEAR the clicking... turn it down. Save an eardrum, save a tree, whatever gets you off... I don't really care. Just... stop the incessant blink blink blink blink blink that I have to stare at driving behind you (again, at that respectful distance).

Now... some of you might be wondering. Does Kayti have road rage? No, not really. I prefer the term road conversation. It really doesn't hurt anyone for me to talk angrily at the cars that share the road with me (as long as the windows are down, even that top sunroof... oops). I'm not going to go crazy-Mary on you or anything... but I will consider smiting you for the 10 seconds our worlds overlap. Or sending you to Blinker Use 101. By the time I'm done with this world, I'll have a whole University of "re-education" classes that I want to send people to.

So... moral of the story? Think twice before you abuse your blinker. There might me a recently relocated New Yorker nearby.


Reagan said...

LOL-- "Road conversation"- that's what I'll call it!

Sounds like you have enough "road conversation" to make it in Atlanta! I couldn't believe how calmly the people drive here in Portland! I think I was ostracized the first time I honked! :(

Ali Davis said...

HAAHAA! i love you, kayti! i laughed so hard during and after reading this! i even read it in your voice, LOL! you are DEFINITELY a relocated NYer! i <3 you, chica!