Thursday, May 28, 2009

Woes of a Pineapple

Lesson of the week... it is never "that simple" to get a pineapple. At least, not when you're me. First, you've got to go to Trader Joe's to pick it up. It is cheaper there, and a healthier impulse buy. You then leave the parking lot and find yourself unable to get BEHIND the building to where your car is parked... so the nice guy on his smoke break that works at the Smoke Shop next door takes you through the store and out the back door. 

Now, you have to sit in rush hour traffic all the way home, eating the pack of raspberries that you bought (they were sitting next to the pineapple) on sale. You finally arrive at home, way too tired to do ANYTHING with the pineapple other than stick it in the fridge. You then work your ass off Thursday-Tuesday... until you remember it is there Wednesday morning.

At this point, you stand at the fridge wanting the pineapple but way too tired and lazy to bother slicing it up. Close fridge. Open fridge. Think about pineapple slices. Grilled pineapple. You check to see if your Foreman works and ponder the meaning of low-fat bbq sauce... then decide you'll wait on the pineapple another day.

You finally chop up pineapple - YUMMY! You read all the directions on it (which are rather extensive for a piece of fruit) and have at it. Miracle #1 - you did not injure yourself on the pineapple cutting process! You recall your list of things that do NOT go down the garbage disposal and slice up the rinds enough to cause no issues. MMMmmm smells like sweet pineapple now.

You leave to sit by the pool on this overcast day... sunshine is a necessity, especially in working up a pineapple-based appetite. You return home, wash your hands before having some of your favorite fruit... only to find the water doesn't drain in the sink. You turn on the disposal and it just backs up further... now having blended with those used coffee grounds from earlier in the day. Yuck. Turn off disposal and slowly let water drain. Stair at it inquisitively for a few minutes, waiting for the Disposal Deities to fill you in on their joke. No such luck.

You take fork and stir it around... nothing seems clogged. REMOVE FORK and try again. JUMP! This time the water splashes back OUT of the drain and right onto your shirt... narrowly missing your phone and laptop and other electronics placed inappropriately near the kitchen sink. You shut off the disposal real quick... move electronics... and try again. Maybe it was a fluke? Nope, Drenching #2. So you back away and try again... enter Drenching #3-5. At least the sink isn't clogged...

After several more moments of staring at the drain... you give up and call maintenance. Of course, it's 1:30pm and no one was at your apartment office... so you left a message. They are notoriously AWFUL at getting messages... so you are stuck with a pissed off garbage disposal, temperamental kitchen sink and a soggy t-shirt. You resign yourself to call again at 2:00... hoping someone answers the phone this time. 

And after all that? You're not sure you even still WANT the pineapple. Oh wait, who am I kidding, of COURSE you want the pineapple. It's just that good.

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