Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Nightmares take the weirdest forms possible sometimes. I've been struggling some with comments made by a director in my life right now. Specifically, comments regarding how big my butt is and how it's always sticking out. He has no clue about my history... and I am sure it's not intentionally hurtful. Thing is? I'm incredibly self conscious about it!

Add in the fact that I'm doing some rather intense stuff one hour a week... and you get the dreams I had last night. I'm going to be with another person while my person is out of town... and the dream? That person had me going to this weird group program that was less than IOP by more than OP... and the director was the one in charge. One of the other girls I knew from before was in there with me and she was FURIOUS. Well, the director dude was talking about safety and how you should lock your doors. Dream changed to me living on site and feeling so uncomfortable that I went to my room and locked the door. Dude got pissed and came after me... yelling, screaming, banging on the door. He was about to break it down, cursing at me and telling me exactly what he'd do to me if he caught me. The friend I had in the group ran to the other staff person... and they got him out of there and arrested. Then the staff was sitting with me, trying to figure out how to get me to deal with this new experience instead of staying a sobbing, shivering heap on the floor.

She was patient enough... but couldn't quite grasp why it was so upsetting. There were rainbows involved in the dream... a color-coded guide to locking your door... and random other things. Including someone trying to strangle me with a muff (I realized that my kitten was sleeping on my head/throat and that made it's way into my dream).

But seriously... what is UP with those types of fucked up dreams?? There was enough absurd that it was clear to me it was a dream... but seriously? Can a girl not sleep in peace? Hrumph!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So I am not the only one having nightmares lately. WTF is up with that? Ohhhh, thast right...both of us are dealing with a lot within ourselves and in the real world outside...:) We will make it though! *hugs* Be well.